His sober step, gently treading the worn carpet of the apartment building. He stopped. He tried desperately to think of everything that was trivial, anything to keep his mind away from her. But there was no hope. When you live for her, your every thought seems to be occupied with her existence. And no matter how much you to try to get her out of your head, it only makes her image thrive. He gently knocked on the wooden door where he presently stood. The door cracked open to reveal a tiny shred of light across his face.
"Taylor?" the voice whispered. She opened the door, and he stepped through.
"Where is he?" His voice was urgent, but gentle. Taylor saw his brother's figure in the shadowy confinement of the hall.
"You do realize it's quite late, don't you?" Isaac asked stepping into the light. Isaac came close, examining him throughly. He looked at his brother's rosy cheeks, no doubt from the sting of the north wind that was now whipping through the city. Isaac looked into his eyes, he knew his brother was most vulnerable there. His sentiments outlined the blue orbs. He knew the answers where hidden behind their glossy mein.
"Taylor. Sit down."They took a seat at, presumably, the kitchen table.
Taylor signed. Talking. That was no good, but it seemed action had proven its self worse. "I unconsciously set up an evening more perfect then any book, or fairy tale ever written. I took action and my action was denied."
Andrea, then appeared. She took a position next to Isaac. Isaac and Andrea had some sort of relationship, to what status, that was undeterminable. Andrea was from Texas, she was the sort of person, that in a previous life, she was sure to have been a cowgirl. She waited to be addressed into the conversation, not having known that she would never be. Isaac stretched his arms across the table and looked up at Taylor.
"I'm the biggest idiot Ike....I truly am." Taylor mumbled under neath his breath.
"Why?......Nothing can be that bad." Isaac tried to sympathize.
"I kissed her." Taylor whispered, resting his forehead on the table.
"Dammit Ike...Don't be so stupid....Who do you think." Taylor slammed his hands on the table in front of him, and stood up. Isaac followed suit.
"You...you actually kissed her.... Lindsey."
"Who's Lindsey?" Andrea asked nonchalantly.
"I'll tell you later." Isaac whispered to her.
"Why don't you just tell her Ike. It doesn't make any difference now." Taylor said with muffled conviction.
"Taylor, you break hearts all over the world, I think rejection from one will not be the end of you." Andrea defended herself.
"Don't ever try to tell me what would cause the end of me...You don't know me. You don't know what I go through every day of my life...What I long for. What I need to breath.." he was now in her face, his voice was a low growl.
Taylor leaned up against the wall not making eye contact with his brother.
"She left me, she doesn't want me Ike." he said closing his eyes. He slowly sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands. His heavy heart, pounding ever so loudly. He replayed every event, every breath, leading up to the fated kiss. And then watched it all shatter. Ike watched his brother suffer. Not knowing what exactly to say, he sat down next to Taylor, enveloping him in a tight embrace.
Taylor began to wipe at his watery eyes. "It would have been perfect...It felt so right...I mean everything.." his voice began to crack, not being able to finish all the syllables to some of the words.
Andrea got up from the kitchen table and handed Taylor a box of tissue. He now sat up against the wall, with Isaac to his right. Andrea took her seat again.
"Now. Do you feel like being rational and talking about it?' Isaac asked.
Taylor looked down at his hands, absorbing the coolness of the floor. "She was beautiful tonight." He breathed.
Lindsey entered her quiet abode, every one was peacefully resting in their beds. She was alone with her thoughts. She could faintly hear her conscience humming melodically over her own invested thoughts. But at the point of sorrow or madness, if that be case, she knew what she needed. And that so desperately was desired.
She made a few phone calls, and grabbed an overnight bag. She sat down in a chair and began to write one of the hardest letters ever capable of such human nature.
She stood up and folded the piece of paper. The taxi that she had called had just pulled up in front of her house. Lindsey grabbed her bag and shoved it into the trunk of the car.
"May I just have one second please." she asked. With the letter in her hand, she walked over to the Hanson's house. Seeing a light on down stairs, she rapped on the window pane, Zac saw her and opened the back door for her to come in.
"Sorry Lindsey. Tay is not home right now." he spoked hushed.
"That's the last person I want to see right now." She spoked quickly before he asked any questions, "Will you please give this to him when he arrives."
Zac nodded, and then she left.
The spirited sun was now taking its daily ascension, as Taylor pulled up in his drive way. He seemed to have forgotten how lovely the sunrises in Tulsa were. At his present condition, being that over the past few months, he had lost all solitarily actions. Or perhaps he did not forget solitude, maybe had just mistaken the emotion, but what he needed more then anything, he could not received from the sun.
He walked into his house and up the stairs leading into his room. Zac had yet to awake from his slumber, and maybe that be it best. Taylor assumed that his appearance was undesirable, considering his predicament. He began to dress for the night, but yet the sun drew close to its eastwardly home.
A flash of white caught his crystal orbs. The sweet breeze that lingered from last night delicately rippled the edges. It seemed that the flash had begun some sort of dance -- maybe that of a sarabande. He softy emerged from his present position, reaching for the white flash paper to his finger tips.
You and I, we are no strangers. But, yet tonight, I don't know myself. For my soul sleeps and in the shock of your ardor, some great need in me began to bleed forth from your infliction. It flows warm, gliding over past wounds. It feels like nothing ever is final, no end, no new beginnings. And I fear that I may never remember what it is like to be out of pain's grasp. But do not feel that you are the cause of such things.
I fear the worst is yet over, and out of the shadows of my jaded past, I will some day rise the victor over my raging war. But for every second fought, I loved you more. And when the madness ceases to exist, and my world becomes wholly, I only pray that you may be there waiting for me.
Love always, Lindsey
"I will wait for you... I will wait for no one but you." he whispered to himself, as he began to fold the paper. He sat down at the end of his bed, glancing at Zac, still heavy with sleep. Taylor hoped that Zac's love would be a kinder love, and that he would not have to feel pain like he had once felt. And to some extend still feels. Pain is as constant as time. But time is irrelevant, and so must pain be...
Lindsey leaned back in her seat, she shut her eyes praying that this was all just a dream. Silent tears escaped from her eyes. But no one seemed to care, they must not understand the loss of oneself. The internal struggle that goes on inside of emptiness.
Lindsey could feel her self destructing. The worst had yet not come, but she could sense it was near. The cold clutches that twisted around her; pulling her closer to her tragic fate.
She felt the air plane starting to descend, and her exodus from Taylor's world would soon be final. For this moment he does not exist. No breath, no heart beat shall he bear. And when she comes back to him, then will he reincarnate. When she breaths life into his vacancy.
Sleep not enduring his tired spirt, Taylor got up from his bed and walked down stairs into the kitchen. He passed the island, there sat a lonely amber bottle. He felt his face drain all color, as his quivering fingers clasped around the medicine bottle.
Lindsey Anne Thatcher
He reached for the phone all to quick to dial numbers that were frequent in his mind.
"Dr. Laura?" Taylor mumbled into the phone.
"Yes, Taylor. Just the person I wanted to speak to! I bring good news!" Laura spoke, "Lindsey is progressing rather well for her condition...I think she is finally opening up."
"Really...That's one piece of good news I have heard in the pass 10 hours." he whispered.
Laura paused for a brief moment. Then disregarding his comments continued on, "The other day, we had a break through! She said that what makes her most happy is the rain because one can't see the tears that are being shed."
"If you say that is an improvement, then it must be, but..."
"It's at least better then the happiness is dead' speech I got the first time."
There was a pause, and then Taylor began, "Are you familiar with fluoxetine?"
"Prozac?..." Laura's voice sank low and with hesitancy, "Why do you ask?"
Taylor exhaled heavily,"What would happen if some one who had been on it for let's say...3 or 4 months...suddenly stopped?"
"Taylor....Tell me what happened. Why did she stop taking it?" Laura's voice became grave. Taylor sat on a near by stool, his eyes never looking up from the amber bottle.
"She became rather confused, or angry...I...I don't know," he became frustrated with each word. Knowing that he had no control over what had happened the other night, but also not knowing what exactly had ignited her desire to leave in such haste.
"How long has it been since she had her last dose?"
"Yesterday morning...about 24 hours."
"Taylor...This is not good. In the next 24 hours...By tomorrow morning she could be in the first stages of withdrawal. If we are lucky, since Prozac has a half-life ranging from 4 to 16 days, we might have a few more days, but withdrawal can begin as early as 48 hours after discontinuation." Laura breathed in deep. She knew what was next. She half expected it.
"I....I..What?" Taylor spoke as if this was a new concept, one that was impossible to understand, "You are saying that Prozac is addictive?" Taylor's face began to redden with anger, "But it's not addictive...it's not...it can't be..it's ...."
"But Taylor....It is." Laura's grave voice interrupted his speech. She had been there. In the same confused state as Taylor. She had wanted not to believe. She had wanted to be lied to and to be reassured that everything was going to end up right. And that this was not happening to some one so close...so dear to her. But addiction is a reality. She wished that this would never have come up, but this...it is the inevitable. Laura knew Lindsey would not always be at the aid of this sweet elixir, but now the situation was even worse then what Laura had known before. And she knew that it would be one hell of a ride.
Sadie wandered the deep space of the vast airport. It had been a good half and hour since Lindsey had made contact with her. She was rather startled to hear from Lindsey, seeing as how it had been at least four or five years since their last confrontation. She wondered if Lindsey would act as though nothing had happened between the two souls. As if everything was perfect as once Lindsey had imagined it to be. She had secretly envied Lindsey through the years that they had been close. How she had wished to be exactly like her and maybe by being just in her proximity her perfection would shed golden hues on her as well.
Sadie stumbled upon a expanse of table and chairs. She studied the site, seeking out Lindsey. She found her alone, face in hands, at a table isolated off from the mainstream. Sadie took a seat across from Lindsey. Lindsey looked up at her. Her eyes, dark members of a once vestal countenance, glinted with eminent rain. Her cheeks were pale and streaked with black tears that ejaculated forth from her instruments of vision. All was out of sorts except her crimson lips, which shown gallant through her pains. Sadie gently touched Lindsey's hand, and all spite drained from her spirit.
"I'm sorry that I called you with out much notice." Lindsey whispered.
"It's okay...you know you can come anytime...whenever," Sadie's voice began to take on that of a maternal tone. Lindsey smiled. And they left, leaving her secular molested pain behind...for now.
Laura walked into the kitchen of the Hanson's house, and sat down next to Taylor. She began to study his features: his swollen shaded eyes, the hint of redden anger lingering on his face, and his nervous flinches proved emphatic with the monotonous tapping of his hands.
"Taylor...I came here...to help you...because I know what it's like." Laura gently placed her hand on his shoulder hoping that he might render his swollen anger over to be consumed by a tranquil sky.
"How could you possibly understand...you don't know what happened...you weren't there." Taylor convicted. She couldn't possible understand the way he feels...or had felt. His soul's light flinched with the thought of Lindsey and her perils that lay ahead of her. And knowing he could not be there for her. She would not let him in. But he would not let her go.
"Taylor...you don't know that. I want to help you...and Lindsey.." Laura paused for a brief moment, wondering if what she was about to tell him would, in fact, be a good thing to do. She thought she owed him this much. "I know she loves you." Laura whispered.
Taylor looked up through cautious eyes. "No she doesn't...not in the way I want her to."
"What way is that Taylor?"
"The kind of love where you don't have to have reason, you just know that you want it to be this way forever. And you know you would die rather then be with out each other. When you are in each other's presence you no longer hunger for food but their touch, and you are not tried because your sun has never set -- you know no night because she radiates a pure sparkling light.." Taylor looked down at his hands with a half smile on his face not being able to believe that he had just told her exactly what he felt. His face turned a light shade of red as he blushed in the thought of it.
"So you want to be in love with each other...like a mad passionate kind of love." Laura smiled at him.
"Exactly." he laughed.
"So you're pretty serious about her, then, aren't you."
"I would die a million deaths over just to be with her for one night." Taylor leaned back reposed, in his chair.
"Okay well let's not go shedding blood just yet, okay." Laura smiled, "But on what I said before....I think she wants to be with you, she definitely loves you....you are constantly brought up in sessions."
"Taylor likes this, Taylor does that...Oh no Taylor wouldn't like that...Oh that is so something that Taylor would do." Laura laughed as she mocked Lindsey.
Taylor's mind wandered to more grave things, though, "So what about Lindsey now? I mean what are we to do." Taylor spoke sullenly as he handed her the amber prescription bottle. Laura sighed deeply as she turned the bottle over between her fingers.
"I didn't tell you everything...about this." Laura looked up at him with swelled remorse in her brown orbs. "It is rare, but I would feel pangs of guilt if I didn't tell you" she continued. This, she knew, would be the most difficult for him to handle. She knew he didn't want, nor did he need to hear this....not in his present condition, or ever.
"There is a possibility that she could experience suicidal ideation."
"Meaning?" Taylor said dryly...he had a notion of what it could mean. He didn't want to hear it, but subconsciously he knew he needed to hear it. He began to think back to the letter she had written him, "I fear the worst is yet over." He began to wonder if she had had a preconceived notion concerning her fate.
"Meaning that the idea of suicide could look pretty promising to her when she is having a terrific mood swing...Which could be very frequent. She could posses the aura of "buzzing", which she could slip in and out of subconsciously."
Sadie led Lindsey to the bathroom of her parents' house, and turned on the light. Lindsey shuttered in the brightness of it, squinting her eyes, she walked over and sat down on the edge of the bath tub. She ran her fingers down the smooth porcelain rim. Sadie stared at Lindsey. When did she become like this? She felt that she needed to say something, but she couldn't, the lump in the back of her throat wouldn't allow her to. So she continued to stare at her, a blank sort of stare.
"You want to know what happened don't you?" Lindsey said in her mellow voice, as she looked up at Sadie in between a few strands of wavy hair. Sadie sat back further on the sink, and listened as Lindsey began to unravel her tapestry.
Taylor laid in the darkness of his room, alone. He began to think about a flame, burning hot and burning slow. He thought about how, when disturbed, it would flicker and dance wildly. And how one can be so intrigued by a blaze, that not even the thought of being burnt would stop one from longing to touch it's devouring elements. Then he began to think about passion, and how like a flame, it burns the ones that it touch. Lindsey began to drift in his mind, at this point, like she often did. He turned over and looked out in to the bleak sky. The moon could not even work it's blue magic on this forsaken night, in this dark and deary night. He thought about what she was doing, if she was even doing anything at all. And what she was thinking. Hoping that she was thinking of him.
Sometimes he wished he didn't know her. So he wouldn't have to feel this way. He wished he didn't know pain like he does now. But he knew, he knew he would he an incredible phony kind of person, that if there was such a person as Holden Caulifield, that he would surely hate him, as well.
He would hate himself, though, if he didn't know Lindsey.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be something you are not?" Lindsey asked as she looked out the window and across the street of the caf้ where they were eating dinner.
"I suppose so, I mean isn't that what dreams are?" Sadie asked, as she began to stir her drink with a straw.
"Dreams keep us alive," Lindsey muttered to herself.
Sadie sighed, "We really need to get your mind off of him...off of everything."
She looked over at Lindsey, and felt herself become consumed with pity. She was too beautiful to look so ugly. The strain of hard times had set in long before tonight, or yesterday, or maybe even the day before. She needed some "release", and Sadie only hoped her plan would work and not push closer to self destruction. After all not everyone is invincible.
Sadie stopped the car in front of a beat up old building, that to one's surprise seemed to be very active for the time of night it was.
"I can't believe you....."Lindsey leaned up against the frame of the car, trying to catch her breath her labors seemed vain, "Sadie I..I don't think I can do this." Lindsey whispered, as her words began a slurred pattern of noise, as she stumbled over to her. She tried to focus her eyes, but that too failed.
Sadie smiled, "You just need to relax, hell you haven't even had your first drink yet." She grabbed Lindsey's arm, and pulled her closer to the entrance of the building. She numbly followed her in.
They passed through the door, and Lindsey grabbed the first alcoholic drink that passed by, at this point she knew she was living in a private hell. She knew she had to shake this feeling, but she had not the slightest clue as to how. She could feel her demons the archive of her demise closing in on her. She wandered over to an empty table and sat down, as the night began to linger on.
"Jake, I'm really worried, about her." Sadie yelled over the music.
"Who?", Jake, a friend of Sadie's, asked as he leaned in to hear her.
"Lindsey, my once best friend," she sighed, "the one in the blue, that looks like she could fall over any minute....Why don't you go talk to her or just keep her company."
"She's your friend." Jake objected.
"Please." She looked up at him, knowing he couldn't turn her down. He rolled his eyes and walked over to Lindsey.
"Hey, need some company?" he asked, as he gave her a once over, a testosterone trademark. She rolled her eyes, and continued to revel in her vodka and water. He sat down any ways.
"Sadie really cares a lot for you, she's really worried." he said, trying to initiate conversation.
"She doesn't give a damn."
The music began to beat louder in the back of her mind, a dizzy noise, that overwhelm's one thoughts and coerces one to be broken by the ravages of its spirit.
"Do you like this music?" Jake asked, looking at her profile, never having meet her eyes.
"It's alright...I know a lot better musicians, though." a half smile crept on her face thinking back to the concert Taylor had her go to.
"Do you dance?" he asked standing up, kind of, at this point he too had enjoyed the drink of the condemned spirit.
Lindsey spit an ice cube back in her cup, and stood up, best to her abilities, and began a terrific journey to the center of a mass of people with Jake trailing her.
The music rushed against the two unknown, provoked souls. Hands, that were unfamiliar, tracing what seemed like familiar curves. Lindsey could tastes the sweat that had begun to perspire. The waves of heat, and the chills of light touches of finger tips on exposed skin, overwhelmed with such drama, her breathing quickly increased.
All of a sudden Lindsey's body tried to slip out of its fabricated "buzz" that the remainder of Prozac had committed. She stopped, not knowing what was happening to her. Her head began to pound, but not of the same nature. Lindsey began to cry, and sob profusely. Jake grabbed a hold of her. He looked at her eyes, the light reflected off the cascading tears, leaving a silver residue. He held her close, and her convulsions lessened in strength. He gently began to wipe away a few of the tears that lingered on her cheek.
"I'm sorry....nnnnever wanted too huhurt....I love you Taylor." she cried.
Jake extracted his hand from her face, taking a step back. He held on to her wrist, clenching them in repressed anguish, in the proximity of her battle scars. Lindsey gasped in pain, as her eyes began to lose focus. Her head began a dive in the black night, purged with a salty sea. She dropped to her knees as the atmosphere began to fade into darkness..
The sun gleamed quite high in the sky, now, as it tried to induce Lindsey's eyes open. Lindsey turned over, nudging something warm, something alive. Her eyes fluttered open, only to be closed again. Her headache raged on. She sat up in bed, looking down at the being that laid next to her Jake. Her hand went up to her forehead, rubbing her temple, trying to remember what had happened, but failing. She looked around the room, not remembering any of it.
Her breathing began to pick up, and silent tears plunged to their deaths. She tried to get out of the bed with out waking him up. He was something she did not want to deal with. Not now. Not ever. As she pushed away the sheets, she noticed that she still had her clothes on, that was a good sign wasn't it? They were mangled, but they were still somewhat on her body. She began to make her way to the bathroom, her empire it would seem. Thoughts; images flashed through her mind. She wished Taylor were here. She wished with all her soul that he would come rescue her. She sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom with her emotions and thoughts. She began to think of Taylor. She hoped she wasn't to late for him, and that he would take her all of her. But yet, she knew she was too late. She felt it. From the depths of her soul, she felt it. She could almost taste him, but he was just a memory. A faded memory. She knew he would not want her now. Not many people would, she assumed. She glanced at the counter, noticing a pocket knife. Her clumsy fingers, grasped it, opening one of the blades. She looked at the blade, as the light flickered off the metal surface, and she began to smile . She thought of how ironic this was. The end to the beginning. How every end is birth to a new beginning. How she had hoped for the end, previously, and only had gotten a beginning. And now, 3 months later, she was ending. Lindsey took the blade and began to penetrate her skin. She smiled as the pain seeped out of the infliction. She made several cuts on her arms, and her legs. There was no longer pain, only numbness. She watched as the blood pursued the incisions, saturating her skin and clothing. Sliding over the smooth tiles.
She began to cry again.
The salty tears stinging her wounds, she turned on the shower and laid down in the cold bathtub as the water rushed over her. She began to cry harder, misery rushing over her in waves.
She began to scream for Taylor. A loud deafening noise, that divided the calm of the room. But she needed him. She needed someone to understand her. But the only one that could....could not hear her cries, because she had left him. She hadn't let him in, and now there was no hope. But she decided that there was never hope, not in a being so desolate as hers.
Sadie rushed in through Jake's bedroom door, only to be met with blood curdling screams. Jake pointed to the bathroom door.
"What happened? What did you do to her?" Sadie asked as she began to try and open the bathroom door, but it was locked.
"I don't know, just get this psychotic bitch out of my bathroom." Jake yelled as he pushed her aside and began to unscrew the door knob so they could enter the bathroom. He pushed open the door. They stood in silence, the silence that was invested in their own thoughts as they stared at the bathroom floor, candy coated in a crimson shade.
Sadie walked around the blood as best as she could reaching over and turning the water off. Her eyes grazed Lindsey's image. She laid in a fetal position on the cold marble bathtub hull. The rush of water had somewhat ceased the bleeding, only a few drops stained the white of the marble now.
Sadie and Jake helped Lindsey up out of the tub and walked her over to the bed. Sadie squatted down before Lindsey, holding her hands in hers, she began, "Lindsey, hon...I can't let you stay here. I don't know how...or what to do. You have to go home. Now. I can't handle you."
"You...you don't get it. I...I can't go home. Not Now." Lindsey mumbled, as she let go of Sadie's hands and tried to stand up. Her thoughts began to pound in her head. She would never be good enough for Taylor. But she knew that she had to see him. She had to tell him. She had to taste him, one last time.
"I must go....I must go be with him, before it is too late...please, will you go with me Sadie. I can not face him alone..please..." Lindsey whispered.
"You just said that you can't go home, what changed your mind?"
"Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade." Lindsey spoke, turning on her heal she stumbled out the door, into a valiant sunshine.
Lindsey sat in the crowded airport. She watched as people passed by her. Scurrying, to get to their destination. She looked at her watch once again. It seemed to be the only friendly face to look upon her in a thousand lost forevers. Sadie approached her with a styrofoam cup of hot coffee. Lindsey pulled the deep navy blue trench coat, tighter around her, and accepted the cup.
"You know you shouldn't drink coffee on an empty stomach." Sadie spoke up. The silence had been driving her to the brink of insanity. They had not spoken much since they left her house, after gathering what few things Lindsey had brought. Even then, though, Lindsey was in such a hurry that she seemed to think if words were said, that they were only going to slow her down. They had been sitting in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport, their connecting flight from California, for over an hour, and it was starting to show. Lindsey was getting rather nervous, fidgeting with the lose thread from her coat, and constantly changing positions in her seat.
Their flight to Tulsa had been delayed because of the front that had just passed through Dallas floating its way up towards Tulsa. This surge of cool air had incited many early afternoon rain showers, and even some heavy thunderstorms that had loomed in the sky above Dallas. Lindsey walked over next to a tall widow, so people could watch the planes take off, but at this moment there were none awaiting the departure in to the sky. She gently touched the cold window panes. She looked out into the gray somber sky. She wondered with their were really such things as sliver lined clouds, and if they would ever find her. She began to think of Taylor, how he always seemed to know what to say, even on her worst days. She cursed herself for ever leaving him. She now knew she could never be with out him, she need him to survive.
The glass around her hand began to fog up, she retracted her hand, her eyes never leaving the vast expanse that laid before her.
Sadie walked up behind her, "I was talking to the people at the desk and they said it should only be another hour or so."
Lindsey closed her eyes briefly, and looked at Sadie, "I don't have an hour."
"Lindsey, it's not like you are dying or anything. He's still going to be there."
"Is he?" Lindsey spoke as she looked at Sadie, never blinking or leaving her eyes. Sadie looked down at her hands, she didn't know how to answer that. She would never, exactly, understand what was going through Lindsey's mind. And sometimes it scared her to even try to image what it was like inside of her.
A clash of thunder shook the airport. Lindsey turned and looked back out at the darkening sky. She inhaled and began to speak to Sadie, in a subdued voice, "I will catch the first bus to Tulsa, I can no longer take this idle state, and of longing for him. You can go ahead and take this flight, when it comes about. I will meet you in Tulsa, if everything goes well." With that Lindsey turned and began a trek across the airport, looking for a Greyhound station to buy a ticket. A ticket home to where she hoped she still belonged.
"Taylor," Claire spoke over the phone, "I hate to ask you this, but do you think you could babysit Lexy tonight." she spoke quickly. She hated asking him to come here, in this house. She knew something happened between Lindsey and him, and asking him to come in to her house, where she had dwelt could possibly bring up painful memories.
"Sure." he said it simply, no hesitation, nothing.
"Okay, we'll see you in a few minuets then." she hung up the phone.
Taylor looked at the phone he had just sat down, mentally kicking himself. He shook his head, knowing he had to do this. And he knew that the moment he walked in through that door, and smelled her scent, and see everything like it was, how it had always been. He knew that would be the hardest moment. He grabbed a light rain coat, as he walked out of the kitchen. He looked up at the gray sullen sky. He could feel the humidity in the air, as if preparing for a terrific storm.
He was in front of Lindsey's house, he took it all in. It's funny how it never seems like you have time to look at details, but then when you look at something that is familiar, and it seems like you have missed so much, and it feels like the first time all over again.
Lindsey watched the tree line speed past her as she looked from the tinted windows of the bus, counting down the hours until she would reach Tulsa. Her nerves were fried, and her head ached in rhythm with her heart. She hoped these six hours would pass by quickly. But she knew better. Time does not exist, it is just an inaccurate measurement that the human race calculated. Nothing more.
The elderly lady next to her reminded her much of her grandmother, she felt a strange kind of love flow forth from this sleeping being. But she guessed it was just a thought, she didn't actually love this lady. Just the thought of her grandmother.
She turned her focus down to her hands. She rubbed them together to break the slight chill. She remembered how her mother use to always have gloves in her pockets. Lindsey had hands like her mother.
She breathed deep and shut her eyes. She did not want to cry. Not here. Her eyes were red and swollen from all the crying she had already done.
"C'mon..Time for bed." Taylor said as he stood up from the couch. He swooped down and picked up Lexy. She was big for a seven year old. He carried her up the stairs, walking into the room next to Lindsey's. He sat her down, and she reluctantly climbed up in her twin bed.
"But Taylor," she yawned, "I'm not tired."
He laughed and turned on the lamp next to her bed. "Good night, Lex." he said as he walked out of the room.
He stood in front of Lindsey's door. He could smell her beautiful scent though the heavy wooden door. Taylor looked up and down the hall. No one was insight. Lexy was going to sleep, and Ethan was asleep on the coach. No one could challenge his intentions of entering her room. He opened the door and stepped into the dark room, sentiment swept over him. He laid down on his stomach on her bed. He took her pillow, inhaling the strong smell of her shampoo, remembering how her hair smelt that night. Surely he wasn't demented. Surely these things that he was doing was perfectly normal. Not a chance. He closed his eyes, and soon his breath was deep and steady. Sleep is sublime.
There was a soft knock on front door. Ethan's eyes opened abruptly to the slight noise. He walked sluggishly to the door and opened it. A rush of hot air pelted him. A girl walked past him. It wasn't Lindsey he was sure of that. But who exactly was question.
"Umm, Hello?" Ethan spoke. He was beginning to think this was all some sort of dream, that there really wasn't a girl in his living room, and he's not really awake. Unfortunately reality is quite painful.
"Hello. I'm Sadie. Lindsey's friend."
"She's not here."
Sadie rolled her eyes in frustration "I know that."
"Then why did you come."
"She was spouse to meet me here...I guess I got here before her." her voice dwindled off in to oblivion. She was extremely tried, she hadn't slept in a few days and she was definitely showing the signs.
Ethan stood there, in a confused state between consciousness and shock.
"What was up with her, though. I mean she was acting really strange."
" Well...see....Lindsey has a temporary mental disorder, actually she has a combination of two mental disorders. One is called Depressive Neurosis, and the other is PTSD, or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder...But the Lindsey you encountered was probably the Lindsey suffering withdrawal from her antidepressants." Ethan explained.
Sadie nodded, and began to feel instantly remorseful. She had taken her to a party, where Lindsey had practically drowned her self in alcohol, while she was suffering through the first stages of withdrawal. She sat down on the couch. When had she stopped being a friend. She should have recognized it, Lord knows she had seen it happen to so many of her friends before.
"Listen...There's nothing you can do. So how about you just sleep on the couch. You look pretty tired." Ethan said as he began to walk away up to his room. Sadie pulled the blanket, that was draped across the back of the sofa, on her and immediately fell asleep.
Lightening stripped the sky, followed by a loud crash of thunder. The storm was close now. Lexy sprang up in her bed, she looked about her room as it lit up from the lightening. She pushed the covers off and walked down the hall. She noticed that Lindsey's door was open. She looked at her parent's door closed and uninviting. They had come home an hour ago, and were already deep in sleep. She padded into Lindsey's room and crawled on to the bed with Taylor. She laid down next to him under the sheets. It thundered and she scooted closer to him. He opened his eyes slightly, remembering when Avery would have nightmares how she would come and sleep with him. She hadn't done that in awhile. He noticed that he missed it. He looked at Lexy, as she breathed sleep in. She resembled a younger Lindsey. The doe eyes, her full lips, everything. He even bet she had crooked toes. He tried to resist the urge to run his fingers over her check, and brush the wisps of hair that hung in her eyes. He shut his eyes, with the image of Lindsey painted in his mind, and fell back asleep.
A taxi pulled up next to the curb, splashing water in every which direction. The storm had faded into nothing more then a heavy summer shower. Lindsey grabbed her bag, and stepped out of the car. It was near dawn, but the sky was still thick and dark . The rain pelted against her, she could not feel the pain she was already numb. She walked up to her front door, and opened it. She breathed in the sweet scent of home. Of family.
She felt her way through the darkness that had invested its self in the house. But she knew it all to well. This house had been her empire, now it was nothing but a blur of faded memories. She walked over towards the TV, which was her only source of light. Lindsey smiled softly as she noticed Sadie sleeping deeply on her couch. She pulled the covers up closer around her, and turned the channel so she would have something decent to sleep in front of. She left it on TBS, which was showing a late night movie Conspiracy Theory.
She treaded up the familiar stairs, veering over into Ethan's room, when she noticed a light still on. Lindsey causally sat down on the foot of his bed, "So what did I miss?" she laughed.
"Oh...just everything. Mom and Dad went crazy...I mean they were blaming everything on themselves..and they didn't know what to do...It has been really insane around here the past few days." Ethan spoke, and smiled, "I'm glad you are home."
"Me too...I think" she smiled back at him, and stood up to make her exist.
She trudged to her room, her place of solace. She saw his form from her door way. She sucked in her breath, as her eyes roamed over his frame. She watched his chest rise and fall in time with the steady rain that caressed the earth. Lindsey walked gingerly over to her bed, smiling when she saw Lexy curled up next to him. She bent down to scoop up Lexy, and as her hands brushed the thin cotton sheet, his eyes fluttered open. He held her eyes within his own eminent blue domain. She broke away from his gaze, as her energy began to bleed. She picked up Lexy and walked out of the room.
He watched her go, he watched her hips sway as his heart beat matched her rhythm. He wasn't going to let her walk away from him this time. He got out of the bed and stumbled down the hall way in the direction of Lexy's room. He stood in the door frame, the faint lightening illuminating the room, watching her lay Lexy down in her own bed. He watched her sit down at the edge of the bed, when Lexy asked her to stay until she was asleep. He waited, trying to control his racing heart. Taylor could hear the faint sounds of the TV on down stairs:
Love is bullshit Love grows wings...makes you fly. I don't even call it love I call it geronimo Geronimo? Yah, geronimo, see when you're in love you'll jump from the empire state building and you won't care and screaming geronimo whole way down....great. Then you'll die, you'll squash yourself....so what's the point? Hey aren't you listening to me...love grows you wings. She must be some girl. I love her so bad, ah...she wrecks me....I'd do it for her.
A few minutes went by, and Taylor caught himself dozing off as he leaned up against the door frame. His eyes opened, when he felt her move pass him. His breath caught itself in the back of his throat as her body briefly slide across his. He followed her, stopping a few feet inside her room. He stared at her back, but she knew he was there. She could feel his eyes penetrate her skin, making her flesh seethe with emotion. She turned abruptly, facing him. Her hands reached for the knot that she had made in the waistband of the trench coat. He sucked in his breath, his thoughts swimming inside his head, making him dizzy. She slid the fabric from off her shoulders, clenching her eyes shut as the coarse fabric pricked her cuts. He looked up at her eyes, as a tear slid down her flushed cheek. He stepped closer, closing in on the space between them. The space that had left her sane.
He caught the salty secretion right before it plunged to it's death. His soft fingertip gently grazing her jaw. Warmth ran through her body as he incited her skin to a state of dither. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.
He could feel her moist cheek come in contact with his neck, inducing a shiver that raced down his spine. Taylor wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him, hoping he didn't seem desperate for her touch. He gently stroke her hair, holding her tight.
"Why did you leave?" he exhaled the words, as they floated into the dark oblivion.
She held her head up, leaving her mouth close to his ear, "I had to find myself....but all I found is that I can't live with out you." she whispered. Her breath sauntered over his ear, his body swelling with her hot moist breath. She turned her head, gently brushing a few wisps of hair away from his eyes. Her fingers grazed his feverish skin, running the length of his jaw line.
She pressed her lips to his. Lindsey could feel his grip on her tight as her lips moved against his. She could feel his ragged breath, and heartbeat speed up as she placed her hand on his neck. He ran his fingers up to the back of her head as he pushed her closer to him. His sultry lips began to dance with her's to the rhythm of the pounding rain renewing the earth, and giving in to the solace of their dance.